Saturday, October 23, 2010

Awake

Despite continued fevers, we had some high points today. This afternoon, while mom and dad went out to get groceries for the new apartment, Zane's nurse let me sit with him in his room. I still had to have a gown, mask, hat and gloves on, but I got to sit by his bed for a few hours and just watch him breathe. Up until now, we'd only had a few 5 minute visits per day. Today was wonderful- I got to sit there listening to the praise music on the ipod dock we bought & read scripture to him.

We had some wonderful friends come and take us out to dinner in the city. It was my first time being more than a mile away from the hospital so it was a little hard, but it was good. We came back to the hospital after and went in to see Zane again. They had taken him off the ventilator at 3, so he'd been 5 hours breathing totally on his own. While mom, dad, and I were in there, he woke up and looked at us. Mom, being super-nurse, told him where he was and that he'd been hurt, etc. He nodded his head like he already knew. He kept mouthing words, but because of my inferior lip-reading skills, I had no idea what he was trying to say. I just kept nodding my head like I understood. I told him why he couldn't talk & that he didn't need to try right now- just rest. When I said "I love you" he kept trying to mouth words so I said "it's okay honey, I know- you love me too". He just closed his mouth and smiled. His smile was enough to make me fly..

He coughed up some secretions on his own, but was struggling so the nurse came in and suctioned the trach tube. Mom and Dad stepped out to give the nurse more room. The nurse went out in the hallway to call for respiratory therapy to come & put the vent back on. While they were out there, Zane kept lifting up his right leg and mouthing something. I was trying so hard to figure out what he wanted & then all of a sudden it was like God told me. I said to Zane "Honey, it's still there. You have both legs & you're not missing anything. The doctors told us you'll be 100% normal before too long." He looked so relieved and his whole body relaxed. Praise God- Zane probably really needed to know that and had no way of asking us or finding out.

He continued to have kind of a hard time with coughing up secretions- his face got pretty red & you could tell he was in pain. The nurse mixed him some tylenol & motrin to put down his feeding tube & upped his pain & sedation meds to get him more comfortable. All the while, I just stood by his bed, holding his head & talking to him to keep him calm. The respiratory therapist came in and started doing her thing. Zane kept looking around like he didn't know what was going on so I tried to give him a play-by-play & remind him to relax. I kind of figured I was in the way, so I told Zane I'd let the nurses do their job and hum him amazing grace in the morning. As soon as I left his side he tensed up, but I knew the sedation would be setting in soon, and that the nurses were very capable of taking care of him. It was hard to leave after having such contact with him for the first time, but he really needed to rest.

We knew Zane had woken up for the nurses before, but he'd never been this alert with us in the room. I'm thanking God so much that we were able to have those moments with him. He may never even remember them, but it helped me to feel like I was helping him, I guess. When I was leaving, the nurse looked at me and asked if I was alright. For some reason she thought it would have been hard to see him go through that, but that couldn't be farther from the truth. Of course I was okay- my husband is alive & I'd just gotten to see the most vivid sign of life I'd seen in a week and a half. Praise God- He sure knows when we need these little reminders of His power and faithfulness!

11 comments:

pk @ Room Remix said...

I can't imagine you not being able to spend more than 5 minutes at a time with him up to this point! That had to be so hard. I'm glad you were able to be with him today and especially to actually be able to communicate with him. So glad for the progress he is making. I'm still thinking of you both and you're in my prayers.

Jessica Davis said...

All that comes to mind to say is joy... I can't express how happy I was to hear this. This is amazing news!! I think we all needed to know that there was so much life in him right now! I know it helped you so much and I'm so joyful that God gave you that! Thrilled through the roof! It is going to slow get even better!! :)
Love,
Jessica Davis
Happy almost birthday!!!

Mildred said...

What a blessing to be with him and experience this today. We continue to pray for you both and we thank the Lord for answered prayers and the "gift" he shared with you today.

Kathysue said...

Courtney I have tears in my eyes. I feel for you sweet girl. What a wonderful moment you had with Zane.You are just what he needed and God knew that. I took a special moment this afternoon to pray for Zane and I will continue to do so. Remember HOPE= Holding On Praying Expectantly! God Bless you both, Kathysue

Lorraine said...

Courtney, God's timing is so perfect! I am so glad that you were able to be with Zane at that precise moment. Praying for the fevers to end and amazing healing to take place. Praying for less pain for Zane and for our Lord to use you in a mighty way to bring comfort to Zane as well as to yourself. Thank you for posting those sweet pictures of Zane and yourself. I picture both of you in my heart when I pray. Have a beautiful day in our Lord today! God bless! Lorraine(ME)

Anonymous said...

What WONDERFUL news to hear that you were able to communicate with Zane and ease his fears. When I read the post it amazes me how strong you both are,it has brougt back a lot of faith that I have not had for some time. Keep up the post and take care of yourself and Zane. God Bless Gail Wieder

Jed and Kera said...

I've been trying to decide whether to comment or not. I know you are busy, but I'm sure there are many hours of just waiting. So here I am telling you how much I admire you. I am so glad to see you are not turning from our Heavenly Father in a time like this. You are doing exactly what we as His children are supposed to do. You are drawing closer to Him and He is singing His praises to you and Zane! God Bless You Both! Like you said, many miracles are being worked in his room! We have an Almighty Father in Heaven who loves each of us. Thank you for keeping us all so contacted.

One Heart said...

Great update. Especially liked your words, "His smile was enough to make me fly." Praying more smiles your way.

Carol said...

Courtney,
God is good, all the time!
God bless you and Zane, and everyone involved in his care and recovery!

Katie said...

Courtney, I am just seeing this new post.
It is so good that he's breathing on his own! I will keep praying for the fever to go away completely.
God Bless.

Karen said...

God gives us these precious moments. I am thankful and praying for continued progress.