Despite continued fevers, we had some high points today. This afternoon, while mom and dad went out to get groceries for the new apartment, Zane's nurse let me sit with him in his room. I still had to have a gown, mask, hat and gloves on, but I got to sit by his bed for a few hours and just watch him breathe. Up until now, we'd only had a few 5 minute visits per day. Today was wonderful- I got to sit there listening to the praise music on the ipod dock we bought & read scripture to him.
We had some wonderful friends come and take us out to dinner in the city. It was my first time being more than a mile away from the hospital so it was a little hard, but it was good. We came back to the hospital after and went in to see Zane again. They had taken him off the ventilator at 3, so he'd been 5 hours breathing totally on his own. While mom, dad, and I were in there, he woke up and looked at us. Mom, being super-nurse, told him where he was and that he'd been hurt, etc. He nodded his head like he already knew. He kept mouthing words, but because of my inferior lip-reading skills, I had no idea what he was trying to say. I just kept nodding my head like I understood. I told him why he couldn't talk & that he didn't need to try right now- just rest. When I said "I love you" he kept trying to mouth words so I said "it's okay honey, I know- you love me too". He just closed his mouth and smiled. His smile was enough to make me fly..
He coughed up some secretions on his own, but was struggling so the nurse came in and suctioned the trach tube. Mom and Dad stepped out to give the nurse more room. The nurse went out in the hallway to call for respiratory therapy to come & put the vent back on. While they were out there, Zane kept lifting up his right leg and mouthing something. I was trying so hard to figure out what he wanted & then all of a sudden it was like God told me. I said to Zane "Honey, it's still there. You have both legs & you're not missing anything. The doctors told us you'll be 100% normal before too long." He looked so relieved and his whole body relaxed. Praise God- Zane probably really needed to know that and had no way of asking us or finding out.
He continued to have kind of a hard time with coughing up secretions- his face got pretty red & you could tell he was in pain. The nurse mixed him some tylenol & motrin to put down his feeding tube & upped his pain & sedation meds to get him more comfortable. All the while, I just stood by his bed, holding his head & talking to him to keep him calm. The respiratory therapist came in and started doing her thing. Zane kept looking around like he didn't know what was going on so I tried to give him a play-by-play & remind him to relax. I kind of figured I was in the way, so I told Zane I'd let the nurses do their job and hum him amazing grace in the morning. As soon as I left his side he tensed up, but I knew the sedation would be setting in soon, and that the nurses were very capable of taking care of him. It was hard to leave after having such contact with him for the first time, but he really needed to rest.
We knew Zane had woken up for the nurses before, but he'd never been this alert with us in the room. I'm thanking God so much that we were able to have those moments with him. He may never even remember them, but it helped me to feel like I was helping him, I guess. When I was leaving, the nurse looked at me and asked if I was alright. For some reason she thought it would have been hard to see him go through that, but that couldn't be farther from the truth. Of course I was okay- my husband is alive & I'd just gotten to see the most vivid sign of life I'd seen in a week and a half. Praise God- He sure knows when we need these little reminders of His power and faithfulness!