Can I be honest? Last night was hard. I've never seen Zane in that much pain. He's never had a flap before, and they're much more involved than grafts. And, whenever he's been in this much pain before, they've been able to sedate him. At one point last night he looked at me and said, "I want to cry but I can't". The doctor on call last night told him that he's just have to "tough it out". It is no fun to watch someone you live suffer and know that there's nothing anyone can do to help. It made me sick just being so helpless. As I was sitting beside his bed last night it was like God tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Courtney, do you believe the words that you say to people all the time? When you're speaking at churches and you talk about faith and belief and trust, don't you believe what you're saying?". It hit me like a ton of bricks. I truly needed to believe that God was going to take care of Zane. I think I knew it in my heart, but, I hadn't really released the situation and given my worries over to God. I looked at Zane and asked him if I could pray. As I prayed, I decided to let it all go... Again. Learning to trust isn't a one time decision. It's a constant rededication, and a deliberate choice to let go. I reminded myself of that last night.
When I came in this morning, Zane was still very uncomfortable, to the point where he hadn't slept all night and was utterly exhausted and upset. His head doctor finally gave him permission to use a thin pillow. We spent the morning massaging his shoulders and feet, propping his arms up, and giving him wet swabs for his mouth. Around 9:30 he was finally able to get a little rest. Since then, things have gotten a little better as time goes on. He's currently sleeping, and we're trying to keep it that way.
Another complication is that all the ICU beds are full in the entire hospital, so we've been in the PAC-U (post anesthesia care unit or recovery area) since surgery was over. That means that Zane hasn't had a room or a TV this while times. The PAC-U is just rows and rows of beds with curtains around them, with very little room. We were a little let down, but tried to see the best in the situation. We later found out that a major infection has been going around some of the ICU's. This seemed inconvenience was actually God protecting Zane from that infection! Later this afternoon, he should be able to move into a regular room.
Zane hasn't eaten since the surgery, other than a couple bites of jello this afternoon, which made him nauseas. They're slowly trying to work him up to food again, but he historically has a sensitive stomach. He should be able to sit up a little more in a day or two , and hopefully that will help with his overall comfort. They flap is swollen, as expected, but is looking good. The vein that they were concerned about is also doing well. They ultra-sound it every hour, and it continues to have a steady pulse. The color of the flap is also great, so once the swelling goes down, it should be a vast improvement.
Overall, I'm once again learning that our God is always faithful. We believe that he doesn't waste one pain, and that any amount Zane is suffering, there is a greater purpose and God will use it for good. Your continued prayers would be much appreciated, as always. We KNOW that they make a HUGE difference. Thank you so much for all your love and support thus far.